During the courtship process, a man presents himself to a woman as a lover — someone who will take care of her, listen to her, and carry her through life. The man takes her out, pays for her food, opens her door, and treats her with kindness.
In the mind of the woman, she thinks this is what the man will always provide. She believes the man will always protect, provide, and shield her.
The woman comes to the date looking her best, looking beautiful. What message does her outward beauty send to the man? She is saying, "I will bring beauty to your life, pleasantness, and peace." She laughs at his jokes, checks on him, shows concern for his well-being, and presents herself as someone who is here to help build him up in every way. She wants to be an addition to his life, to improve its quality. She respects him and he protects her.
The man loves the woman for the beauty she brings him. External beauty, in the mind of a man, appears to be a symbol of internal loveliness.
The woman loves the man for the love he represents. Paying for the date, opening doors, waiting until she gets home — all mean to her mind that he will put her well-being first.
The man is willing to spend his all on her and she is willing to give her all, herself. This is the promise both genders implicitly make during the courtship stage.
But during the relationship or marriage, the truth is revealed that these things were not true. The man stops doing these acts of love, and the woman reveals that external beauty does not necessarily translate to inward beauty. Conflict arises as both genders abandon their own promises and shift into a blame game. You start to feel, "This is not the person I initially met."
Both genders feel cheated, deceived, and disappointed, and if they do not understand the reality of what is happening, they will seek these highs from a new relationship.
But the truth is, for love to be properly maintained, both have to keep their promises. The man should continue to be the provider — providing love, tenderness, and wooing — the same process from the beginning, and improving upon it. The woman should continue to develop and provide the grace and beauty she presented in the beginning, while finding ways to make things better.
It is the failure to keep our initial promises that leads to the breakdown of our relationships. For love is longsuffering, and love never fails, as the Scripture teaches.
The way you gain is the way you keep. A relationship is constant work. Keep working.
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