Why is it so difficult to love? Everyone in this society—everyone in the world—looks for love. I have been reading a book about Napoleon, his love life, and the love letters he wrote to his wife. You can see that he was a very passionate guy. He expressed his heart and his tenderness toward her: how he missed her, how he loved her, and how he wanted to hear from her every single day because he felt she was the one who kept him alive. Without her, life would be miserable.
Because he was in the military—he was not yet the emperor—and facing danger all the time, he needed an anchor: someone who could hold him, care for him, and truly love him. But his wife was not responding in the same way. In his follow-up letters, he kept asking her, "Why don't you write to me all the time? Are you so busy that you can't? Do you love me the way I love you?"
In a way, you can see his tenderness and his suffering coming through those letters. As a matter of fact, he even spoke about how much he suffered because she was not responding in the same way. So, even in Napoleon—a guy you would think was a ruthless military commander—you can see a starvation for love. This has been the problem of humanity throughout history because we are made to love and to be loved. Yet, this has become rare. Finding love is almost like finding a diamond on the floor; it is very difficult.
So, why is love so difficult? First of all, we have a misunderstanding of love. Love is not easy, and love does not come from the weak. Why? Because the weak do not have the strength necessary to love. Love is an exercise in giving; love is about self-sacrifice. Looking back at Napoleon's letters, we can also see neediness. He was dependent upon his wife for affection, and even though he showered her with affection and love, that dependency made him weak.
When you are looking for love, it is going to be very hard because the people we deal with are not automatically loving beings—they are seeking love themselves. When people are seeking love, it is often because they do not have love to give. If you have love to give, you seek to give love and receive it in return. This is what makes love difficult.
Second, love requires patience. If you don't have patience, you will not be able to love because you are dealing with someone who has all manner of flaws and weaknesses. You have to be patient with them. Only as you are patient with them over a long period of time will they feel loved and safe enough to open up and respond to your love.
Love also requires long-suffering. If you are not willing to suffer, forget about love. When dealing with other people who have flaws and faults, you will suffer. Love requires great strength and forgiveness. If you are not willing to forgive, you cannot love, because people will wrong you. We are all sinful, broken, and fallen human beings, so we may wrong each other intentionally or unintentionally.
If you want to love, you cannot be vindictive. You have to be a forgiving and tender person. You have to overlook the faults of others in order to love, and you have to keep loving them even when they do not respond. Consider Napoleon again: he had a spouse, he kept writing letters to her, and she was not responding. Yet, you can see his desire to love her. He kept trying—sending her gifts and doing everything he could to show his great love for her.
In a similar manner, if you want to love, you have to keep doing things for the person even if they do not respond. This is how God treats us. God treats us with loving-kindness and faithfulness even when we do not respond. Eventually, some of us do respond, but He keeps trying.
The reason some of us do not respond is selfishness. A lot of times, we want someone to love us, but we are so focused on ourselves that we don't understand how much the other person is going through or sacrificing to show us that love. Therefore, loving others really requires dependence on God. Naturally, we are weak and frail human beings without the strength and fortitude to love. When we rely on God, we ask Him for strength, to pour His love upon us, and to give us His Holy Spirit. Patience, loving-kindness, and compassion are gifts of the Spirit, and we need the Holy Spirit to truly love.
In society, people often think love is a weakness, but love is not a weakness—love is strength. Love requires fortitude. Only those who are strong can truly love; a weak person cannot love. To contemplate love: if you want to love and be loved, you need a connection with God and reliance on the Holy Spirit for that strength.
Finally, consider why God forgives us right away when we sin. It is because God is strong. Is God hurt when we sin? Yes, because God is pure, lovely, and innocent. There is no impurity or falsehood in God. Hurting someone who is completely innocent is a heinous crime, so sinning against God is a heinous crime. Yet, the Lord is love. The Lord is merciful and tender. The moment you come to Him, He forgives you right away.
This is what real love is: genuine love is merciful, tender, compassionate, and long-suffering. It forgives iniquity, sin, and transgression. It overlooks faults and still bestows blessings on both the good and the evil, just as God causes blessings to fall on all. You continue doing good to the person even if they do wrong to you. Love is hard because we are separated from God, but as we draw closer to God, we learn to give to others and shower them with love and compassion.
Additionally, we are changeable. Our emotions shift based on life's circumstances, and that in itself can make it difficult to love properly. Today you may wake up feeling like you want to love, but tomorrow you are not in the mood and you push the person away. Love requires consistency; there is no safety without consistency. It takes a stable individual to properly love others—someone who lets others know, in a deep sense, what to expect from day to day, reassuring them that they care and will be there as much as it depends on them.
In conclusion, love is not easy, as it demands incredible strength and does not come from the weak. It is an exercise in giving and self-sacrifice, requiring patience and long-suffering over a long period for others to feel safe and respond. This form of love also requires great forgiveness, overlooking faults, and continuing to offer blessings even when unreturned. Ultimately, this strength depends on a connection with God, as true love is merciful and compassionate, much like the way He forgives our sins and continues to provide blessings to all.
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